Now I’ve known Larry for many years and even though he’s at least 2 generations my senior, the old boy can still party. Well last night we really went to town knocking back the whiskey and beers, spinnin records and chatting about life way into the late hour. Just as dawn was beginning to appear, Larry started slurring his words and on cue, the ramblings about the whole Creature From The Black Lagoon debacle had to be endured again. I smile, sit back and let him get it off his chest again, really how could I resist that gormless face?
Now Larry says he had been terribly misrepresented in the film. Here is his account of the “real” events as he told me, leaving out the many hiccups, burps and f-bombs.
It had been a long day with the missus and the mother-in-law having lunch, I was desperate to get away. The snooker was on at six and had a few beers in the fridge ready. But that old bat just kept having a go, “when you gonna get proper job Larry?” “When you gonna be a real man Larry?” she was relentless. I just couldn’t take it anymore and lost my cool and told the silly cow to “shut your moaning mouth and leave me the hell alone, for F sake!”. Well within a few minutes I was out on my arse on the front lawn with a red hand mark on my face. Fuming I got in the car and sped off to the only place I knew would be peaceful, a place to reflect, the beautiful Black Lagoon.
Swimming around and round in my private little hideaway, I felt calm and relaxed. “I’ll phone Suzie tomorrow, she be ok and I’d even apologise to that beeech, I mean mother-in-law. All will be well come the morning”
Then out of nowhere, moving above me on the water was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, smooth skin and long legs, wearing a sexy white swimsuit. I tell you I thought all my christmases had come at once. It was a delightful angelic girl, so very pleasing on the eye. Mesmerised I swam with her, almost touching but just keeping out of her sight line. My head in a daze from her dazzling display I sank back to the bottom of the water bed. Oh my, what a woman!
“AArrgh” I’m suddenly trapped, being pulled up. I’m in a net. I can see a boat, called Rita, and onboard looks like a bunch of hooligans. Shouting and waving weapons. Oh jeez this ain’t happening. Managing to claw my way out to freedom I start to feel drowsy as they start bombarding the lagoon with a drug, I later find out it was called Rotenone. Who were these psychotic animals?
Guns fire, harpoon arrows flash by my head and two of them, in nothing but tight shorts try and grab me. Making a run for it I hide out in my “man-cave”. I get five minutes of solitude before these thugs come barging in and start stabbing me up, beat me to pulp and shoot a few rounds of bullets at me, the absolute monsters. Traumatised I fall deep into an underwater cave and somehow managed to survive. Luckily a few hours later my Suzie feeling a little guilty, came to apologised for her mum, found me and patched me up and saved my life.
Wow! Larry I ask “So the two guys in the tent at the beginning of the film had nothing to do with you?”. “Well ummm Wolfman, well err! well I might of smashed their heads together and broke them in half with my mighty fish claw powers! They were on my land?”. “WTF Larry!!” I say, shaking my head in total disapproval.
Tagline – A scientific expedition searching for fossils along the Amazon River discovers a prehistoric Gill-Man in the legendary Black Lagoon.
The film stars Richard Carlson as David Reed, Julie Adams as Kay, Richard Denning as Mark Williams to name a few.
Directed by Jack Arnold who also made classic like “It Came From Outer Space” and “The Incredible Shrinking Man”
Check this and the other two of his, they are most excellent. Keep a thought for Larry the Gill-Man if you do watch Lagoon again or for the first time. (PS Check the real Gill-Man here)
Happy viewing from Wolfie.
Further Reading Links