Cobra (1986) Sly Stallone And His Mercury Coupe Track Down Deranged Psycho Killer

Cobra (1986) Sylvester Stallone 80s cop zombie squad vhs cassette box video rental

Day two of my VHS action and hero January take over. Today is Cobra from 1986

Tagline –Society is breeding a new kind of Criminal. It’s also breeding a new kind of cop.

Who’s our hero today?
That Italian Stallion, Sylvester Stallone plays Lieutenant Marion “Cobra” Cobretti.

Had I seen this one on VHS back in the day?
Yeah this was a great one to rent. After watching Rocky VI in the cinema the year before, more Sly was very anticipated.

Cobra (1986) Sylvester Stallone 80s cop mirror shades cool match close up

Quick plot run down.
Los Angeles is plagued by a horrific series of brutal murders across the city. Each one random and featuring the same sickening style knife wounds. The serial killer is on a murder spree and no one knows when or why.

Does the hero have a day job?
Lieutenant Cobretti is part of the LAPD but works on the fringe of the division as part of the “Zombie Squad”. The nickname for the more lone wolf style mavericks within the force.

What’s our heroes special skills?
Just all round badass with some mean driving skills to boot. Also is so cool he chews on a match stick for the whole film. What a guy!

Heroes weapon of choice?
Cobra comes fully prepared for anything. Automatic Colt pistol, grenades, a knife, his shades and machine gun with a laser sighter.

Heroes drink of choice?
He gets to drink a can of “product placement alert” refreshing Coors beer before he goes kick ass crazy in the supermarket. Actually that’s weird for some reason I fancy a Pepsi?

Cobra (1986) Sylvester Stallone 80s cop coors pepsi productio placement drinking can sly

Does hero have a sidekick?
His side kick is Sergeant Tony GonzalesI could die for some…… gummy bears” played by Reni Santoni who will be known to many as Chico from the first Dirty Harry film with Clint Eastwood.

Hot girl? Damsel in distress or ass kicker?
Sly’s wife at the time, Brigitte Nielsen steps up to play Ingrid the model. After getting singled out and obsessively tracked down by the serial killer it’s Cobra and Gonzales duty to protect her.

Who’s the main baddie?
Brian Thompson is the crazed and fearsome psychopath going by the name The Night Slasher. He at times wears a pair of woman’s tights on his head and bizarrely looks better looking than his real freaky face. You will, like me, best remember Brian Thompson for when he played the Alien Bounty Hunter in The X-Files.

Cobra (1986) Brian Thompson crazied killer psycho womens tights on head

Baddies special skills?
He’s called The Night Slasher for a reason. He has a horrifying blade filled with spikes. His other special skill is as a cult leader. Somehow turning everyday people into axe-wielding murdering scumbags. All willing, for some reason, to die for the cause.

Psycho baddies rating out of ten? 10/10
This guy and his army are relentless and will never stop.

Heroes balls of steel and anger ratings out of ten? 10/10
Lucky Cobra’s balls have been injected with pure testosterone titanium steel.

Surely it features a classic montage scene?
Yes this one does. A weird searching downtown montage asking hookers, pimps and drug dealers questions. All set to the mega cheesy Robert Tepper track Angel In The City soundtrack. Pass the puke bag, quick!

Does it feature an impossible mission?
We have total faith in zombie squad, Cobra to get things sorted but we don’t know at what cost!

Does the hero get a chance to show off their muscles?
Surprisingly for a change our Sly keeps his pecs covered up. No flexing his bulging muscles in this one. I bet they were having a rest after the raging steroids vein machines in Rocky VI.

Will I be needing to pause the video player? AKA are there any boobies?
No but you do get Brigitte modeling a, right up the crack, tight as can be, bikini with a bunch of robots!

Cobra (1986) Sylvester Stallone Brigitte Nielsen sexy bikini robots

Sex scene?
Not shown. Though slightly implied Cobra and Ingrid may of got jiggy with it.

Any good totally random surprise scenes?
The whole Brigitte Nielsen modeling scene as she’s surrounded by robots is pretty random but apart from that, nothing too bonkers. Oh and her tsunami of tomato ketchup scene with a bewildered looking Cobra is random?

Films body count? Low/Medium/High
Reaches the high quota scale. Innocent and baddie bodies everywhere.

Innocent baddie death rate?
No innocent baddie deaths in this film. All the evil fucks deserved what came to them.

Explosion ratio? Low/Medium/High?
For a moment I thought this was gonna be low BUT then BOOM. Everything started blowing up in the last part of the film.

How many stuntmen probably really died making this film?
Can imagine broken bones, few burns, scrapped knees and elbows with stuntmen flying off motorbikes but I think everyone walked away limping but alive?

Any cool car chases?
Yes a few awesome ones too. Watching Cobra’s 1950 Mercury racing through the streets of LA is incredible to see. Especially as they hit those crazy humps. It’s sad to see that beautiful machine with those Ava Gardner style gorgeous curves get smashed to pieces. Hats off to the production team, amazingly there were no water melon stands or random guys walking across the road with panes of glass during the chase!  Oh there’s another cool chase as Cobra stands on the back of a truck firing his machine gun at pursuing lunatic motorcyclists.

Cobra (1986) Sylvester Stallone 80s cop back of truck machine bike chase

Best lines
Lieutenant Cobretti drops this classic line on us and let be honest here, it’s perfection. “Crime is the disease. Meet the Cure

Any other familiar faces and actors pop up?
There’s quite a few familiar faces. Art LaFleur played The Babe in the ace family baseball drama The Sandlot (1993). The main face though is Andrew Robinson. You’ll most probably know him from Hellraiser (1987) The psycho in Dirty Harry (1971) and the one that really made me smile having never realised it was him that played the (no relation to Kim) Cardassian spy called Garak in Star Trek – Deep Space Nine.

Production Credits
Cobra is directed by George P Cosmatos however there are rumors that Sly Stallone’s ego might of taken over a big portion of the directing or at least had a big hand in it’s overall edited form. Many scenes are said to have been cut out, sub plots and stories. From what I’ve read Sly managed to get the film more focused around him and removed a lot of more gruesome death scenes. You can see a lot of the cut scenes here on YT. To be honest I’m happy with the 87 minute cut, it’s punchy and gets to the point. The film is a Warner Bros and Cannon Films joint production.

Cobra (1986) Sylvester Stallone Brigitte Nielsen running 80s action thriller

Cheese-O-Meter – Low/Medium/High?
Yeah of course this has cheesy elements, it’s got sly chewing on a match stick etc however the psychotic darkness brings it down. The cop bits are pretty gritty too. Resulting in our cheese-o-meter leveling out smack in the middle of low and medium.

IMDB score rating – 5.8/10

Wolfman ACTION, FUN & EXCITEMENT rating – 8/10

Wolfman over all film rating – 6.5/10

Closing thoughts……………………………..
This was a pleasant surprise. I had thought I’d of remembered lots of it but in reality all I recalled was the 1950 Mercury motor, the baddies face and Sly’s shades. Even forgot Brigitte was in it! So yeah I enjoyed watching Sly bring the pain and smashing up the place all over again.

Feel free to let me know your memories on any of this months action goodies. Enjoy the movie rewinds. All the best…. Mikey Wolf

29 thoughts on “Cobra (1986) Sly Stallone And His Mercury Coupe Track Down Deranged Psycho Killer

  1. This one I own on DVD.

    While naturally being aware of the DIRTY HARRY (1971) connection via actor Andy Robinson (he certainly cleaned up his act didn’t he, going from off-the-charts nutter in DIRTY HARRY to
    ‘Detective’ Monte 15 years later here) however for some reason the part of Stallone’s sidekick being played by the same Reni Santoni who played Eastwood’s sidekick Chico in DIRTY HARRY had escaped my attention all these years, And to think the number of times I’ve rewatched this movie over the years and didn’t notice that.. well, I’m surprised and not a little disappointed in myself!

    I too remember Stallone’s line when Brigitte Nielsen (married to Stallone for all of 18 months in ’86/87) pours a heap of tomato sauce on her chips. Something about “Do you need a lifeboat?” – “You’re fries are drowning”. So clumsy, schmaltzy and awkward but kind of endearing at the same time and not bad for a ‘neanderthal’ Zombie squader.

    Speaking of cheese, there was also the classic pickup line from the photographer as he’s exiting the lift with Brigitte Nielsen’s’ character into the underground carpark – something along the lines of “I’d have to be sick NOT to want to sleep with you”. I’ve had the good sense to steer away from using that one my whole life (lol!) Didn’t want to get my face slapped!

    And yeah, loved those carchase ‘bumps’ as well as his 1950 Mercury would become slightly airborne and then land with a thud complete with accompanying sparks.

    Thanks for the deleted footage.
    That was a great bonus in another first rate write-up.

    Liked by 2 people

    • He was so menacing in Dirty Harry. Such a crazied baddie that imprinted on your mind.
      No way was it only 18 months of wedded bliss for Sly and Brige! I bet they had some crazy times during those months. Haha yes that’s it LOL the lifeboat reference. You so right, ole Cobra did have a bewildered but endearing look on his face.
      And today’s mission is, if you choice to except it, go out and say that line to every girl that passes by LOL haha like you say a slapped face would be the order of the day. Whats a great line though.
      “I’d have to be sick NOT to want to sleep with you” haha I did clock that. I think the poor sucker gets even more mashed up in the cut scenes.
      That Mercury is so damn coooooool.
      So good to hear your thoughts on this one in your collection Glen. Cheers buddy.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pleased to see Cobra spotlighted, Mikey. I actually own the DVD. It’s one of my guilty pleasures.
    Okay…Cheese-o-meter: You give it a 5; I give it a glorious 10. I think the dialogue is hilarious and that scene where the cult is doing that Freddie Mercury at Live Aid clapping thing with hatchets is NACHO cheesey!
    Then there’s the 1950 Merc. (No, I don’t mean Mercedes.) Oh my gosh! I LOVE that car! It’s so bad. Ava Gardner curves? Damn straight. (Me too, but Ava Gardner is seriously hot. Ha!)
    And then, there’s where Ingrid narrowly escapes the Night Slasher. It’s almost as terrifying as the first 20 minutes of Scream. That knife! It’s so EXTRA.
    But the most glorious thing is Stallone plays it Serious. (Note the capital S.) That’s the cream cheese frosting on the carrot cake.
    All in all–we are on the same page. I’d give it an affectionate 6.
    Loved the review, Mikey. Lot’s of fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That “Freddie” LOL axe bit is stupid. It’s hard to see why they would all actually die for their cause. Because I can’t even remember what they were fussing about tbh.
      Haha yes the cheese-o-meter should be raised a bit more. To be fair I should state the cheese-o-meter starts at cheese. So a zero is say a mellow Edam or maybe a Wensleydale. Making it’s way up the ranks to a stinking bishop or a Stilton variety. So my thinking, especially with Sly acting it Serious, (capital S noted) is cheese in itself and kind of counteracts some of the cheese-ness with cheese.
      Curves on a lady or a car (or most things) drives me wild. Throws ice bucket over head.
      That knife is terrifying. Apparently specially made for the film. “Sylvester Stallone had asked knife designer Herman Schneider to create a knife that audiences would never forget.” Yuk
      Good to see we both hovered around the same rating for this piece of action fodder.
      Much obliged to you Pam.
      Thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • A sequel?! I guess it could work but the only reason it has cult charm is because of Sly look and his awesome car. Without them! tbh it would be just like any other psycho vs cop movie.
      You are right though, I just read an article on SlashFilm. Sound like it could be a TV show!!
      Can a 70+ Sly still wear those shades and crew a match stick. Yeah course he can……

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Favorite line: “He at times wears a pair of woman’s tights on his head and bizarrely looks better looking than his real freaky face.”
    LOL
    I also think I’m one of the only people in the world with a soft spot for Coors, since I grew up with it. My mom let me have a beer–Coors–when we ate Chinese or Mexican food at home, even though I was 16 and 17. Hey, come on, the French do it with their kids and wine at a much earlier age, lol !!
    I missed this movie, tho. It sounds like fun, especially with your write-up.

    Did you ever notice that the big stars who don’t act that well are pretty damn good when they have fewer lines? Stallone was pretty damn good in Cop Land. And Vin Diesel was pretty damn good in Pitch Black. And Keanu’s pretty damn good in Street Kings and, of course, John Wick.
    I can’t think of the ladies right now, but I know there’s a bunch. Weirdly, there’s a list of the top 50 worst actresses in IMDB and they have people like Paris Hilton and Mariah Carey on the same list as Juliette Lewis and Anne Hathaway!
    I mean, Juliette and Anne aren’t my all-time favorites, but to compare them with Paris Hilton and Tyra Banks?!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hope the actor hasn’t got his google alerts activated as he might see that comment. “I don’t mean it Brian just trying to be funny” hehe
      Coors had a push in the UK in the 90s I think but you don’t see it that much down my way nowadays. That’s a nice moment with your mum and the beer. Love that. My top memory was at 13 and watching The Good The Bad and The Ugly with my Dad whilst he was drinking a can of Newcastle Brown Ale. When he went to the fridge for another I cheeky went “have you got a spare one?”. He didn’t say anything and handed me one. And I’ll sat there with a big smile on my face… Flash forward to now I’m a raging alcoholic and uneducated school drop out with a string of convictions! Of course I only jest. I do like the booze though. Anyhooo

      That worse actress ever list is sounds rather silly. You gotta keep it with actual full-time actors. Mariah Carey next to Anne Hathaway! What! Though I’d “purrfur” (sorry had to) to see Mariah Carey in a cat suit there’s no way she’s out acting Hathaway.
      HAHA I love that big stars doing better when they don’t say anything. You gotta do post break down on that. That’s hilarious. LOL

      Liked by 2 people

    • I for one would rate Juliette Lewis as a ‘gifted’ actress – at least for a certain period of her career. and, like riding a bike, I don’t think great actors ever really lose the ability.

      If you watch carefully her reactions in the infamous thumb-sucking scene (too perverse for some but I find it simply mesmerizing) opposite DeNiro in CAPE FEAR (1991) her reactions are genuine.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I was gonna bring up Cape Fear, too! That scene IS mesmerizing. And then she actually makes out with DeNiro a little bit. I’m always squeamish when I see that and always ask hubby, “Do you think she was nervous/worried/embarrassed doing that scene with him? And he’s always like, “She’s an actress. She just did it.” I mean, I get that, but she’s also human. She MUST have at least been nervous. And she’s always gone for interesting roles, not cliches. She should not have been on that list. Same with Anne H. Her teary-eyed scene in Interstellar was very moving. I’m sure a millennial somewhere made the list, lol. The same one that thinks “The Revenant” is boring.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Stacey, have a look at this video regarding the ‘thumb sucking scene’. It includes the thoughts of a variety of people connected with CAPE FEAR (1991) including Juliette Lewis herself.

          Mike, I’m hoping this side discussion on your site is ok by you. It’s all about the love of film in the end I guess which I know you support big time.

          Liked by 2 people

          • Yeah, Mikey…starting off ’cause we all know Stallone isn’t a great actor, although he’s lots of fun to watch and a great entertainer! Cobra’s even Pam’s guilty pleasure, lol!

            But–omg–I can’t believe DeNiro AMBUSHED Juliette with the thumb thing! She didn’t even know it was coming! But, like a true pro, she went with it….

            If I had just “gone with” more stuff that happened spontaneously in my life, I think I would have gotten a lot further and probably grown more as a person. Relinquishing control can sometimes be the opposite of “losing” control. I wish I’d been more like Juliette, lol

            Liked by 2 people

            • Yeah it’s nice to see the ladies have jumped on-board in support, of sorts, for our Sly. I’m sure when he reads this it will make his day. Hehe

              I think we all kind of think we’d should of “gone with” it more though I’m not sure I’d be happy sucking DeNiro’s digits! Then again would make a good story. But then again you couldn’t tell any one as they think you a crazy freakazoid! Note to self actually I don’t need to be too spontaneous in life, I think?

              Liked by 1 person

  4. A Cobra sequel??? Absolutely nobody is asking for that, surely?!

    This one seemed really thin to me, with just a lot of Stallone posing and trying hard to look cool. I also think that B grade video action fodder that doesn’t feature any gratuitous nudity isn’t really doing its job properly, although the robots thing is agreeably weird in a random way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There I was convinced the B in B-movie stood for boobies!
      Damn straight bro. How could they not have any gratuitous nudity! It’s not right I tell you!
      Worse, (luckily this one had one) but there’s quite few without montage scene. Shocking!
      Yeah the Cobra sequel news sounds silly tbh.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I saw it 4 times so love this film. Action film from back in the day I first saw it at the movies theater then on cable and VHS and DVD. the Ford Mercury that Sly drives was his own car unfortunately was stolen and never to be seen again. Nice review.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I saw quite a few Stallone action films in the ’80s, but this wasn’t one of them…not sure why, unless I heard ahead of time the VMQ was disastrously non-existent! I thought it might be part of my Stallone 4-pack, but nope, I’m out of luck…I’m stuck with ‘Over the Top’!

    Very coincidental that Reni Santoni’s character has a last name of Gonzalez…same as it was in Dirty Harry! And if we believe Wikipedia, here’s something of interest from the making of the film: “At one point during filming, Stallone complained to cinematographer Ric Waite that they were falling behind and that he needed to push his crew to work harder. Waite responded by telling Stallone that the delays were due to his fooling around with Brigitte Nielsen and showing off for his bodyguards. Although Stallone was shocked that somebody would talk to him that way, he cleaned up his act and behaved more professionally, although he returned to his old egocentric behavior a few weeks later.”

    Liked by 2 people

    • “unless I heard ahead of time the VMQ was disastrously non-existent!” Big belly laugh.
      Oh no on it not being on the 4 pack of Stallone’s!
      Oh yeah on the Gonzalez connection. It’s funny when they get called the same name. I liked him in so-so, lets call him that. Always makes me smile when they actually use an actors real first name. Like they either lazy or they worried the actor might forget who they playing so they help them out.

      That story about Sly and Brigitte is so hilarious. Showing off for his bodyguards. That is brilliant.
      Cheers Todd.

      Like

  7. Mindless entertainment. This is when Sly became obsessed with La Nielsen so it brings back tons of memories (tabloids had a field day with the short marriage). If memory serves me well, this was a huge hit on VHS. I had to wait weeks to get a copy. Ahhh, the wonderful “video club” days! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • You can’t help not imagining them constantly oiling each other up. I bet they burnt themselves out in that short time.
      Wow that brings back good memories thinking about Video clubs. And film club at school. Sat in the cold sports hall watching mostly old Bond films on a wall and having the teacher constantly shouting “shut up” to everyone. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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