Hannie Caulder (1971) Sexy Sharpshooting Avenging Raquel Welch Tracks And Kills

Why did I want to watch this western? “YEEEE HAAAA!” Quick draws my pistol out of it’s holster and fires into the air. (OOooh matron). Sweet cowgirl Raquel Welch. Here’s my review of the avenging Hannie Caulder (1971).

What’s going down in Western town?
Three outlaws on the run stumbled upon a house in the middle of the desert where a frontier husband and wife tending a halfway horse station. The three deplorable’s kill, rape and steal. Leaving the husband and wife for dead. Dragging her way through the desert, the beaten and broken woman has nothing but revenge on her mind.

Tagline – There was a notch on her gun for every man she got!

Who’s our righteous hero gunslinger?
Hannie Caulder (Raquel Welch) is the frontier wife left for dead. Her spirit for revenge spurs her on to find the three responsible. Determined to bring death the justice against the three outlaws. Untrained in the way of the gun her destiny crosses the path of a bounty hunter who takes pity on her. Soon she’s trained. A true gunfighter ready to be the harbinger of death on the trio of evil.

Hannie Caulder –Like the man said, there aren’t any hard women, only soft men.

Does he have a trusty side kick?
Reluctantly bounty hunter Thomas Price (Robert Culp) feels sorry for the helpless Hannie Caulder. Learning of her plight he eventually agrees to teach her in the ways of the gun. He knows she needs her own specialised revolver to help her perfect her fast-draw. It will need a trip to Mexico to meet the gunsmith and give Hannie time to prepare. Maybe even time for some romantic strolls by the beach? Who knows. Thomas is kind at heart but deadly for his bounty prey.

Thomas Price –If I was to teach you the gun, you’d then go out and get your ass blown off.
Hannie Caulder –It’s my ass.
Thomas Price –Shame to get it shot full of holes… It is as pretty a one as I ever laid eyes on.

Cowgirl love interest?
Well the cowgirl love interest is for us the viewer. Lusty good for nothing men looking on droopy jawed at the not one hair out of place, naked apart from a poncho and a a gun belt around her hips. Oh naughty Raquel! Each gust of wind making us poor fellas go religious all of a sudden! “Oh lordy” “Sweet Jesus” “Praise ye the lord” “Good God!

A collection of low down and dirty bad boy cowboys?
Three inept bank robbers and real low down dirty sons of bitches or should I say bitch. Three murderous brothers with no morals move from one evil deed to another. Nasty pieces of work. The infamous Clemens Brothers lead by Frank (Jack Elam), then Emmett (Ernest Borgnine) and Rufus (Strother Martin). They might act like The Three Stooges but these three are bad to the bone.

Emmett Clements – “Shut the hell up, Rufus! I’ll tell ya what the hells wrong: we pulled four jobs in two weeks and we’re stoney ass broke. Starvin!”
Frank Clemens –Well, we still got some coffee, three horses we can eat.
Rufus Clements –You touch one hair of my animal.
Frank Clemens –I wouldn’t touch nothin’ that’s been between your legs.

Sheriff in town?
Sheriff Lee (Luis Barboo) gives out some information and then goes in for a cheeky cheek slap “Anytime Miss any time at all“. Hannie replies “If you weren’t the sheriff I’d call one” “Your bottoms wet Miss?”And so’s your chin..” she fires back with a knowing smile. Later when he realises she’s with the bounty hunter he gives a squirmy apology. “For what” ask Thomas? Hannie replies “Oh he was afraid I’d catch a cold from my wet pants” (See one of the best scenes below for context)

Injun’s or banditos?
Marauding gang of bandito’s on the Mexican border rampaging through ready to give the gunsmith and his family a hard time. A good time for Hannie Caulder to try out her gun skills. Has she got the killer instinct she’s gonna need?

Hang on a minute is that so-in-so?
Hang on a minute was my exact words when Count Dracula! Lord Summerisle, Saruman, Count Dooku popped up! By jove it is Sir Christoper Lee. He plays Bailey one the best gunsmiths in all the land. Now shacked up on the Mexican coastline with his family. He’s happy to see his old friend Thomas and only to willing to help Hannie with her very own pistol of justice.

One of best scenes.
OK you got me! I’m a hot blood man wolf! Best scene? Well there’s many but Raquel soaking in a bath tub trying to shrink a pair of jeans to fit her posterior. Rising up to feel her buttocks to make sure the shrinkage is working. Hell it’s hard (no pun intended) to pick another scene! Winky face.

The quick-draw question shootout round.

  • Shoot-out ratio.
    The whole movie is a shoot out. Bank job shootouts, bandit’s shootout, whorehouse shootout, you get the picture.
  • Someone has to have the fastest hands?
    Ernest Borgnine is fast as lightning with a knife. Thomas the bounty hunter is fast on the draw. Will his skills rub off on our heroine?
  • Saloon fight.
    No brawling but yet another shootout.
  • Anyone else pop up?
    A mysterious silent Preacher played by Stephen Boyd all in black appears a few times.
  • A rootin and tootin old fella?
    I was so hoping to have three rootin and tootin old fella’s but it didn’t turn out to be what I was expecting. See my verdict.
  • Scalping?
    No scalping or hair loss in this film.
  • The best little whorehouse in the west?
    There is and hang on a minute is that naughty Diana Dors as the Madame? Yes it is.
  • Bank robbery?
    The film opens with a bodged bank robbery from the three old geezers whilst a bunch of Mexican soldiers sleep near by.

How’s the look of the land?
The landscapes and filming all took place in Spain throughout the surrounding area of Almeria and Andalusia which is located on the Mediterranean sea. For me I had no idea it wasn’t film in Tex-Mex territory so it all looked authentic to me.

Production stuff
The director is Burt Kennedy who liked to write a lot of his films screenplays. He’s made a few westerns with John Wayne like The War Wagon (1967) and The Train Robbers (1973). I haven’t seen either of them. Any good? He also liked to have a tougher darker story line in his films like with Wolf Lake (1980) then again he did make Suburban Commando (1991) with Hulk Hogan in his later years!!

Producer Patrick Curtis was married to Raquel Welch and had a hand in pushing for these roles for her. Bit odd when you gotta pitch the film to your wife. “Right you know Marty? and that cute old fella Strother and classic funny Jack Elam with his crazy wandering eye? Yeah nice old guys hey! Well they gonna rape you one at a time…… You in?

I read that Hannie Caulder was an inspiration on Quentin Tarantino’s revenging Uma Thurman in the Kill Bill double bill. Replacing gun for samurai sword.

Verdict
I gotta say, sometimes I should read into the synopsis of a film. Instead as always, and of course the best and only way, I went in blind. Well I’d seen the poster. The delectable Raquel sat in the middle of three classic old timers. Truth be told I do loves me some Raquel Welch but I was here for the trio of Jack Elam, Ernest Borgnine and Strother Martin. In my head from the poster, see image at top, it looked like Hannie had recruited the old boys to help her seek revenge. Bad boy old bank robbers who couldn’t get along and messing up everything they touched. But they have time for redemption. Coming good, helping the lady in distress!! Oh man o man how wrong could I be! The last thing anyone wants to see, I hope, is those three POV raping! WTF!

I’d of much preferred them messing up bank jobs, doing The Three Stooges act and getting taken out heroically trying to help our Hannie out. Maybe I’d of liked it more if I knew what was coming. It does have some great moments though. Robert Culp is great as the likable bounty hunter looking like Kris Kristofferson. And of course Raquel looks her usual beautiful stunning self even if the acting is a little wack. The film does pace on well with a runtime of only 1hr and 25 minutes. If you fancy it you can stream it on YouTube here.

Score
6/10

I may of been a little hard on that score thinking back for this review maybe it should be 6.5? Feel free to let me know what you thought of this one?

Thanks as always for popping in for a read. Wishing you well for the weekend.

Keep those eyes square whilst watching great movies.

Mikey Wolf

15 thoughts on “Hannie Caulder (1971) Sexy Sharpshooting Avenging Raquel Welch Tracks And Kills

    • She is so divine isn’t she 🙂
      Yeah I agree passable but almost could of been so much more. But do you need more when Raquel is flashing her lovely hips!! Thanks Chrisk for the comment.
      All the best………. Mikey

      Like

  1. I too wish the film was far more memorable as a whole but DAMN what a cast and that image of Raquel with the hip exposed sporting a gunbelt has long been in my dreams. And you can bet that sweet ass of hers I have that poster in my collection. Sir Christopher’s one and only western and I believe his second film with Miss Raquel. The first being Hammer’s She.
    I too think of the boys as a warped version of The Three Stooges and like your take on them staying true to the boys and helping Raquel out of some misfortunate circumstances but they went for the Eastwood angle instead. Cheers’.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Mike hope you well. Had noticed you not posted for a week and I thinking that’s not like the Canadian review machine!
      Of course all we really needed to see was Raquel’s hip poking out and yep that’s a wrap. Haha I’d of been very disappointed if the poster wasn’t in the MTOTM vault.!!
      No way didn’t know that, Sir Lee’s only western! That’s incredible when you think about how many films that legend made.
      Off to look up “She”.
      Good call on the going for the Eastwood play book. Yeah the murder and revenge trope..

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Can not recall Raquel starred in She. Ursula Andress was in She. Raquel starred in One Million Years BC. Stay cool and calm and not over excited! Best regards.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sounds like a bonus either way. Hubba hubba. 😍
      One Million Years BC is a classic. Imagine if it was Ursula and Raquel together! Oh my days, is it getting hot in here or is it just me!! Right I’m off for a cold shower. Lol.

      Like

  3. Good lord, I’m nearly a month behind…once again, sorry about that! And I’m so behind on my own posts, it’s not even funny.

    Anyway…I’ve never seen this one, but I’m well aware of its existence, of course because of Raquel. I just went to your link, to see if it was in HD…and I can’t access the movie, because it’s blocked in the US! Bastards! But it sounds like it’s worthy of tracking down, if only to see Miss Welch in action, so if I can find it, I’ll give it a go.

    “Quick draws my pistol out…and fires into the air.” Hey-O! Let’s hope that happened because of Raquel, and not Ernest or Strother!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ernest of course. He has that certain, how do you say, vava voom. LOL
      Raquel is divine. I first saw her singing on the telly dressed as a xmas elf. I was pre-teens. and she made something funny happen to me. I remember asking my Dad who she was as he sat in the armchair eating his dinner. I remember his answer to this day “That is Raquel Welch son and she’s mighty special hey” Never forget thinking Dad must of knew magic as his dinner plate rose up in the air as he smiled at the telly!

      The philistines!!! How dare they not show that YT link in the good ole US of A. I’m sending a letter of complaint to Boris right now to demand a proper reason for this outlandish behavior. I’ll keep you updated when he replies back. It is of course essential watching for Raquel and nice to see Sir Lee. Plus seeing those three naughty brothers. There’s a classic action film in there but it just doesn’t quite make it. Hey RW’s sweet ass is enough.

      A month! Well you be pleased to know I’ve been slack on posts. managing one a week if I’m lucky. Sure you will like The Spy Who Come In From The Cold one. I got some local landmarks in that post.
      Lets hope the Cinema Monolith will rise with all those other monolith’s popping up around the world. Sure it’s a sign from the aliens desperate to get Todd B back on the film reviews again. I hear the Alpha Centauri quadrant is furious there’s been no new posts!

      PS hope you well buddy?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, I just tried to find the video of Raquel as a Christmas elf…no such luck! Damn! But it did bring me to her ‘Raquel Welch Total Fitness’ video, which to me had to be nearly as good. But nowhere near as good as the ‘Ernest Borgnine Extreme Workout’ video.

        Ha, yes, all of my monoliths making those promotional appearances around the globe, and Alpha Centauri…always leaving angry comments.

        Things are cool here…busy with work, and in my free time I’ve been working on my other site, hence the lack of posts on the Monolith. But I’m hoping to get one or two CM posts out before the end of the year…we’ll see what happens. Hope things are cool there in Bournemouth!

        Liked by 2 people

        • Looking at the your reply it was about 7 hours ago. I wonder if you are still watching “Raquel Welch Total Fitness” video on loop! I’ve just settled in for the evenings entertainment. “You go girl!” “Oh sweet jesus”
          I did give “Ernest Borgnine Extreme Workout” five minutes until I couldn’t take no more. “I didn’t know he could bend like that!” “Must remember to add a cucumber to my the shopping list!” “Oh dear god! Ernest not rear view toe touching!! My eyes!”

          Good to hear all’s good in Todd Town and you are busy with work and the baseball site.
          Yes thanks Bmth is OK. We now in a Tier system at the moment. Tier 2. Each week something new changes and the whole of the UK does a shuffle and scratch our heads as we try and figure out what we allowed to do now. We can go to the pub if we have some food. Lucky that covid is a fussy fellow and legs it when a plate of food arrives.
          Roll on xmas, so ready for a break now.
          Hope to see a new CM post soon if you do but next year be cool too bro.

          Liked by 2 people

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