Terminal Velocity (1994) Topper Harley Goes Skydiving With Sexy Agent And The KGB

Topper Harley is back with us again once after getting booted out of the LAPD for being way too crazy in The Rookie (1990). He’d tried becoming an Olympic gymnast, would you believe? But when that failed he buried himself in the thrill of danger. Now a maverick skydiver for hire going under the alias Richard ‘Ditch’ Brodie (Charlie Sheen). A man living on the edge….. and happy to bare his daredevil butt cheeks for right paying client!

Ditch is a low altitude, death chasing, adrenaline junkie and all round chauvinistic playboy adventurer with a huge ego. However, our Ditch was feeling sorry for himself. Reflecting back on life, he’d wondered if the Kiss This cheeks in leather pants might be a tad degrading? It was only a glancing thought because Ditch’s ego instantly stood to attention! His woes instantly disappeared when a hot, all American, thrill seeker walks in! Chris Morrow (Nastassja Kinski) turns heads, she flirts and he, of course, flirts back. “When an angel like that walks in, every man thinks with their little head!“. Ditch is in love.

This innocent girl, Chris, was looking for the thrill of her life and signs up for a tandem sky-jump. She’s nervous, he’s excited, the flirtatious duo take off ready for danger. Ditch slaps her sweet tush, gives his best sexy wink and plans in his mind the after dinner date and a whole lot more. He’s in, no question! Hook, line and sinker. Wait a minute! Remember the hook and the line!?!… Things take a very drastic turn from his imagined duvet rustling mischief…

Tagline – It is not the fall that kills you.

Ok! Slight “spoiler alert”. It’s pretty obvious that Chris Morrow isn’t want she seems. Could she be a Soviet Agent called Krista Moldova? Soon Ditch finds himself caught up in killer world of Russian Mobsters, The KGB, shifty district attorney’s and a psycho pink gloved hit-man. His playboy life style of danger and thrills just got real. Explosions, death defying stunts and skydiving free-fall dramatics is what Ditch was made for. He summons his inner Topper Harley and helps save the day!

For sure Terminal Velocity is way mega on the super cheese-o-meter but you know what, watching it again some 28 years later, teehee, I still enjoyed it very much. It features a good supporting cast which includes James Gandolfini, Christopher McDonald, Gary Bullock and Melvin Van Peebles. Charlie Sheen is so much fun and the chemistry between him and bad ass sexy Nastassja Kinski makes for some fine and silly entertainment. Yeah, don’t think about it too much. “Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt(y pleasure) trip!“

• Terminal Velocity was written by David Twohy who’d work with Charlie Sheen again on the fun alien film The Arrival (1996). He’d also written and directed the Chronicles of Riddick trilogy. Along with the wet Waterworld (1995) and that Harrison Ford chase movie, The Fugitive (1993).

• Deran Sarafian directed this skydiving action movie. He’s had a few pretty bad B-movies to his name. Interzone (1989) and To Die For (1988) got slightly better with Gunmen (1993) and made Death Warrant (1990) with Jean-Claude Van Damme before making Terminal Velocity and then going into the world of a hundred TV series credits.

And finally, to see us out, here’s some choice Topper-isms, I mean Ditch quotes…

• Ditch – “What’s Russian for ass?“
  Krista – “Schzopa!“
  Ditch – “Well, stop blowing smoke up my schzopa.“

• Ditch – “You swallowed the worm.“
  Krista – “Well, I was trained to swallow all sorts of things.“
  Ditch – “Careful! I may just have to marry you!”

• Ditch – “Pack your bags, we’re going on a guilt trip!“

• Ditch – “Let’s just say she did for bullshit what Stonehenge did for Rocks.“

• Krista – “I’d be stupid to trust my life to a walking penis!“
  Ditch – “I’m much more than a walking penis, I’m a flying penis!“

And good night! Haha!

Thanks for reading. Hope this brought back some jolly fun memories.

Mikey Da Wolfman