I knew Christopher Lambert what with his prancing and dancing about in his loincloth! He called the jungle his home and was the self appointed Lord of the Apes, Tarzan (1984). However it wasn’t until his immortal swordsman with that dodgy Scottish accent arrived with the classic action romp, Highlander (1985) that I really clocked his name. So sat there on the shelve in the local video store was the intriguing Subway (1985). With a smartly dressed Christopher Lambert with a shock of white hair and what could only be described as a lightsaber in his hands. Off I went to the counter……….. Continue reading
With that wonderfully exploitative title, Lolly-Madonna XXX it really grabs your attention. And to be honest I really didn’t know what I was getting myself involved with. I’d found out pretty early on in the film that the triple X wasn’t there for it’s pornographic nature but in fact it relates to “kiss kiss kiss”. However, don’t get me wrong, this film is still strictly 18 certificate material. Continue reading
One of the best things to come out of a wave of copy cat James Bond-esque spy films are the saucy girls. However, kitsch value is also a high plus point, as is a story involving the strange mannerisms of a megalomaniac. So you will be pleased to know that Hammerhead excels well in these’s genres. So without further ado lets crack on and see what’s to found in this here film… Continue reading
Difficult doing a film review which featured an ex girlfriend. Yeah this here Mikey Wolf and Pam Grier were tight. We went everywhere together. Forever laughing and smiling. Oh I miss that smile of hers! Damn I miss that body more! Oh the fun we had. She’d dress up in that revealing red dress she wore in Foxy Brown and I’d be in my pimp style leather jacket. Walking through the streets of Harlem, hand in hand, with one thing on our minds, well two but I’ll keep it clean here, we were there to dish out cold hard justice. Continue reading
He stood talking in the mirror whilst pushing a few wrinkles on his head “They’re not bad at all? Shiiiiiit I’m a 60 year old man. I still got it“. Pondering back over the last ten years out of the game. Deep down he’d missed it. Forsure we all missed him. “It’s all action guys now. Beefcake whippersnappers! That Rambo guy, Sly Stallone and that Austrian giant! Arnie something. He took on an alien in the jungle ffs!. Shiiiiit man things have surely changed since I’ve been gone?”
“You know what though? I’m back. The book is finished and I’m ready to show that this old man is as tough as the rest of them. YEAH They’ll see. I can go all First Blood, Commando on their arse.” “YEP I’ll show them” He takes a step back. Full frame in the mirror. A little jog on the spot. He psyches himself up. Now shadow boxing and staring himself out. “That’s it SP you can do! Come on! Who are you? Shout it out“. More punches to the air, he smiles and starts to chant. “SIDNEY POITIER SIDNEY POITIER SIDNEY POITIER” “I’m back baby!“. The world sighed a breath of relief, all was well in the universe once again. Continue reading
Jeepers! Dollman just manages to edge it’s way in through the, it’s so bad it’s actually pretty good door. If our hero was just one inch smaller? No way he’d be allowed to ride the cult rollercoaster of thrills. What with it’s crazy premise. Imagine Dirty Harry strutting through a super low budget science fiction film where his iconic .44 Magnum is now a laser cannon. Then for the narrative to flip into Gulliver’s Travels in reverse. Yep this film is striking high and what with its star being a cult film geeks joy. Dollman is thirteen inches of pure gun toting cult attitude. Continue reading
With yesterday’s shocking, sad news of the passing of the legend Rutger Hauer I thought I would have a tribute to the great man by watching one of his films. One I’d never managed to see before. Which one would I pick? Well you’ve read the title of the page, silly me. Somehow, really unsure how, 1992s Split Second had completely passed me by.
Tagline – He’s seen the future…Now he has to kill it. He’ll need bigger guns.
Ok ok okay! Hold the press. New headline! It’s a shocker. Sit down, please. You’ll never believe it. I don’t believe it. Not sure how it happened. I place the pointy hat of cult shame upon my head and walk out the door to ponder on life. This here Wolfman had never seen Near Dark before! I had always thought I had… I blooming hadn’t! Surely? If anyone asked I’d reply I had. There I was sat happily “rewatching” this cult classic when it dawns on me that “hang on a minute I don’t recall any of this!“. Looking for the positives. How amazing that I got to sit and watch this for the time. My shame turned to joy and the smile returned to my face. Continue reading
By the end of his horrific day, County Sheriff Cal Morse (Sam Waterston) sat thinking to himself, maybe, just maybe, he’d rather be back in the murder and mayhem of The Killing Fields of Cambodia! Wiping sweat and blood from his brow he sank back into his chair. One thing for sure, he’d definitely prefer to be sat in his squad car eating Popeyes chicken.
Dark Angel stars the most American looking I think I’ve ever seen Dolph Lundgren? (Well Canadian I should add). With his perfectly coiffed dyed dark brown hair he somewhat, to me, looked like Nathan Fillion from Firefly. He wore a similar brown jacket too. Dolph didn’t seem to have much of his Swedish or, in the case of his famous Drago, a Russian accent either.