Searching for something different for the weekend, I glanced through the event listings at our local Arts Centre, The LighthousePoole. Scrolling down the page I spotted that fantastic word, Triffids!. It couldn’t be anything else could it? It had to be those pesky carnivorous human-eating plant-life! Excitedly I read the tagline…
“ATTENTION EARTH-PEOPLE Platform 4 Presents…A gig theatre adventure in sound and music. An inspired take on John Wyndham’sThe Day Of The Triffids.”
Bountiful boobies and softcore sex in space from the wonderful Roger Corman studios. Seriously what more could you want? Ok, ok, let’s throw in an Alien rip-off to add to the bonanza of mayhem. Get ready for a slice of sleazy science-fiction cult action fun and who really cares if it’s actually any good or not? Forbidden World is a sure-fire, it’s so bad it’s good space romp.
Tagline – The seed is planted… the nightmare grows
Christopher (Charlton Heston) is a king kong prat! He’s gifted a beautiful, intelligent, free spirited, buxom, mail order bride with only one real desire, to procreate! And all this moody plonker can worry about is sloppy seconds! He’s not a happy bunny at all, huffing and puffing, this primadonna has mood swings coming out his arse! Temper tantrums, door smashing, perfume throwing and he even proudly announces his skill at refraining from bedding his indigenous workers! He’s a total twonk.
I know now that it was irresponsible and reckless of me but it seemed the best way to introduce the Steven Spielberg classic shark movie Jaws to my two children Nyah (17) and Kofi (15). Getting both to help me in the garden they gave me that usual puzzled stare, the gaze of “what on earth is the mad man up to now?” as I placed the hosepipe through the back door and turned on the tap.
“Mum’s gonna go ballistic! like that time with the crazy rocket you made with 300 odd bottles of coke strapped together! Half the street was covered Dad” I look at them with a cheeky smile and started pumping up the dinghy! Then I remembered the window cleaning bill and the wasp invasion. “It was fun though wasn’t it?” I tentatively reply as I kept pumping air in the boat. “Put these on” as I throw them wetsuits, flippers and masks. They both look at each other somewhat perplexed “Oh no here we go again!”
As we squeezed into the dinghy in our gear, Kofi says the golden words without even knowing the quote “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.” I laugh excitedly “It cosy, hold on we’re getting ready“. Little did they know I had already filled a 100 gallon drum with water behind us. Reaching down I pulled the trigger on the water drum “Hold on tight the feature presentation is about to start“. With wild frenzied screams of pure hysteria we took off down the garden path, shooting down the stairs in through the kitchen back door.
With the fun gods looking after our journey we somehow made it into the kitchen in one piece. The cascade of water was pretty intense though it had mellowed as we hit the hallway, releasing our panicked faces to a calming smile. The torrent of water had caused an ebb and flow like tide which bopped us up and down. The hallway river had risen alarmingly to halfway up the door height but with a little maneuvering we popped in the lounge. Thinking ahead of time, I’d already hung everything from the ceiling, bags of popcorn and other snacks dangled from string and cans of drink floated around on mini boats. As I’d fixed the telly to the ceiling we could just mellow, grabbing the TV remote control I pressed play and the movie began as the dinghy slowly swirled around.
When the movie finished I looked over to see what they thought, still a little dazed they replied with two thumbs up and a smile. Just before they could say anything a figure walked up to the front door with a key! “OH shit it’s Mum home! Nooooo don’t open the door!“. As the tsunami of water was released out the door it caused an incredible whirlpool in the lounge. We tried to stay calm as the carnage erupted around us but it was an impossible task. Our uncontrollable petrified screams followed us as we burst out the door with a furious Louise joining us in the tiny dinghy, off down the road we went.
Massive respects goes out to Sir Todd over at his truly great movie site Cinema Monolith for inspiring me to revisit Jaws. He went positively Jaws bonkers, pop over and check his superb writings that shine his big love and affection for this classic movie. Yeah we all know the film but he unearths so much more than you can possibly imagine.
Have fun watching movies…. Mikey Wolf
PS Jaws was a success, both very much enjoyed the fishy tale with a bite. The batten has been passed on to the next generation. Till the next film.
I love the way Oliver Reed can go from the pure brute force anger filled badboy roles to lighthearted comedic sweet roles, Hannibal Brooks is by far the latter. Ollie plays reluctant soldier, Stephen ‘Hannibal’ Brooks, a captured prisoner of war, imprisoned at the Stalag VII-A camp near Munich. Brooks gets the chance to help out at the local zoo, feeding and shuffling poo, giant poo at that. The bringer of said big poo is Lucy the Elephant (Aida). Brooks is shocked by the sight of Lucy but it’s not long before the two become great friends. Lucy quickly warms to Brook’s sweet, calming nature and obeys every word he says. It’s not long before these two friends will be spending a lot of quality time together.